10 March 2020
Pick a President Who
by Mrs. Ruby Squat
Believe it or not, the presidential election is just six short months away! And already it looks like the two party system has sorted out two candidates they are prepared to shove down our throats, like 'em or not. (P.S. They're both crazy!)
I say it's time to end this wanton political suicide. Let's make both parties disintegrate and let the people, in their wisdom, create new ones, as many as necessary, and bring about real democracy!
But until then, we have so-called third parties and the write-in option. And then there's the corporate media who delight in telling their dwindling contingent of viewers that those options are futile.
Ignore them. They're crazy, too.
Now this ought to be the questions about Candidate D and Candidate R that we need to put before selves before we choose the next occupant of the White House:
• Is he smart enough to handle the job, or would a hamster do better?
• Is he appealing? That matters because the occupant of this office represents us, like him or not.
• Is he inspiring? Does he make us wake up in the morning feeling good about ourselves, our country, our future?
• Would I prefer a sleazy, mean-spirited, narcissistic megalomaniac to a soft, gentle, humble hamster?
• Should I choose a pathological liar - unable to remember where he was yesterday or what he said ten minutes ago - over an honorable hamster?
• Will I side with the ordinary working people of this land who need a good example in the Oval Office? Or will it be the banksters and the war machine?
• Will I care enough about the good people of this country and world to risk it all and go for a real change - casting aside the incredibly faulty human option in favor a decent, honest, and delightfully-lazy hamster?
Clearly, anyone who asks these questions of each candidate will have only one more question that needs to be answered. And that is this one:
How can I vote for Diddley Squat?
The answer is quite simple. Regardless of your state of residence, your presidential ballot will include a line for a write-in candidate. You need only write as legibly as possible the name of Diddley Squat and mark the box to the left of that line. Do not check any of the other boxes under that "President / Vice President" heading.
Please resist the urge to add anything else to the ballot. It is not necessary to identify Diddley as the candidate of the "Hamster Party" because Washington, in it's arrogance, does not even recognize rodents of any kind as a political party.
Please also resist the urge to scribble such things as "cute" or "adorable" or "awesome" under Diddley's name.
One last thing: The sole benefit of the obnoxious twin-parties system is that it makes it easier for voters to make their choice. If both are bad, well, you know the rest ....
Vote Diddley Squat for President on November 3rd! Why wouldn't you? He's the obvious choice!
Hamster for President!