12 FEBRUARY 2013
State of the Union
And of Course Diddley was There!
As Senators and Representatives gathered in the Capitol, Diddley Squat was not forgotten. In fact, he was right there, sitting at the right hand of President Obama, a further affirmation of the historic co-presidency rule. Please note (above photo) Diddley's presence as he stands behind his red hamster wheel, his cage immediately next to the President.
But that's not to say that the human president was faithful to the content of the speech which Co-President Diddley Squat prepared. The full text of Diddley's brief message appears below:
My fellow Americans, the state of the union has never been better. For the first time in the nation's long history, the human politician no longer holds a monopoly on leadership.
No longer will the governance of this great land be vested solely in professional politicians who squabble, plot, deceive, and divide.
So let us waste no more time with ceremonial speeches, and set down the ground rules for the new generation.
Jobs. Everybody needs one. And none among us should be overworked or underpaid. Peace. We're bringing the last of the troops home tomorrow morning. Never again will we entangle ourselves in the affairs of other countries.
Food. Everyone needs and deserves that, too. Fresh, delicious vegetables and fruits, affordable and nutritious grains, seeds and lab blocks. None among us should be forced to do without. Let there also be reform where housing is concerned. No more splintery litter, no wood shavings that contain hidden daggers. And cages must be cleaned with respect and restraint.
And let us all remember that we are in this together. What's good for hamsters is good for humans. What's good for dogs is helpful to horses, as well. When kindness is extended to rats, our feline friends also benefit. Yes, America, we are all in this together.
And once again, thanks to all of you who voted hamster this past November.
You may now turn off your televisions or change the channel. This is it. I have no more to say. The only thing to follow will be a counter-message from the other party which is to be delivered by a thirsty snake. I know you won't want to see that.
God bless America!
A Word about the State of the Other Union
The entire Hamster For President campaign organization wishes to congratulate staffer Rocco (better known as "Rocky") on his recent marriage to the beautiful MidDiv.
The couple wed on Thursday the 14th of February, Valentine's day. The photo below shows the two on their honeymoon two days later. They hope to add to the hamster population on the 4th of March.
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