Diddley Squat has everything going for him. He's smart but not overbearing; kind but not foolish; handsome but not vain; humble without pretense; truthful in all he says; peaceful in the true sense of the word; and eminently qualified to be elected in November of 2020.

Born on 17 July 2019 to Ruby and Louie Squat, he is a natural for the job. It's not leadership, he says, that makes a president great. It's setting an good example for the people of this country.

And that is exactly what he will do. His ambitions are not great enough that he'd ever contemplate invading another cage, let alone another country. He accepts routine cage-changes as a necessary evil, but never such monstrous and uncivil deeds as regime change on other peoples' soil. This highly-evolved young rodent knows there are limits to what one can morally do - basically, avoid theft, violence, deceit, fraud, and duplicity. And, he says, his actions as head of state will be directed by his personal philosophy: Do nothing to others you wouldn't desire for yourself. Live and let live; love and let love.