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05 NOVEMBER 2012 Hamsters Ahead!
A brand new poll taken the weekend before the election shows the hamsters leading in 23 states. Here is the key to the map:
With hamsters either having a majority of the expected votes or more votes than any other candidate in 23 states, they have a huge electoral college advantage. In fact, if all if the bright green (majority) and dark green (plurality) states go for Diddley Squat, the Hamaster Party will garner 338 electoral votes, 68 more than the 270 needed to win. But a victory for Diddley and Squit is far from assured. Many expect that a win for Diddley Squat will prompt legal challenges across the country.
The campaign has gotten inside information from one Attorney General's office that a photo of a squirrel in a voting booth in Ohio will be used in an attempt to prove "cheating." The squirrel in the photograph did not, in fact, cast a ballot. And her claim of "innocent presence" is supported by a walnut that was retrieved from a slot at the back of the voting booth after the squirrel had been chased away. The squirrel said she'd gone into the voting booth to retrieve the nut. Other states may demand recounts where the hamster victory was closer than one percent. Although their lead in the plurality states is generally by margins above five percent, and barely out of the so-called "margin of error," it is possible that the polls are slightly off and the Diddley Squat victory could be closer than the new opinion research survey has found. In that case, recounts could delay certification of the election. Still more problematic is a possible repeat of the Election 2000 scenario when the Supreme Court took the victory away from another hamster candidate named Diddley Squat IV (the current nominee is Diddley Squat VI) on grounds that were questionable, at best. This possibility got almost no press attention until November 2nd, the Friday before the election,
But the hamsters are by no means complacent about winning any of the states in which they are ahead. Squit has been squeaking almost all day to the west coast media, stressing the need for hamster supporters to be at the polls Tuesday. Diddley has resumed campaigning in the east and midwest. "We can't allow over-confidence to undo us at the ballot box," Diddley told a talk show host in Florida, a state where the vote is especially close. "Please, please, brave those frightfully long lines to cast your ballot. Your country needs you!"
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Some will claim that the Constitution does not provide for a hamster to take the office. Others will charge there were voter irregularities.
when Chris Matthews of MSNBC's popular Hardball program, finally had a serious discussion about the impact of a potential hamster victory. This was just two days before the new poll findings were released. Since then, a great deal of news coverage has been focused on the candidacy of Diddley Squat and Squit.
Please see also