24 AUGUST 2012
Convention 2012 a Huge Success
Presidential Campaign Launched
The Hamster For President political convention was an enormous success, ending on Sunday the 19th of August, just as a massive dust storm was bearing down on the conference center.
As the celebration drew to a close, Dust Storm Ike - as Goldie (the campaign's junior weather-hamster) has named it - was within 65 miles of the Rodent's Inn and Suites. It was there that thousands of rodents gathered from the 14th to the 18th of August to officially nominate Diddley Squat VI to become the next president of the U.S.A.
While the business side of the convention was important, nobody could compare it to the partying that went on after hours. In fact, the hotel was in such a messy condition that Diddley, Squit, and several hamsters from their entourage decided to stay an extra night to clean up - with the help of about thirty volunteers.
Just before 5:00 a.m. on Monday, they finally had the mass of nut shells, shredded paper, corn cobs, trampled straw, wood shavings, paper pulp, and gnawed-up boxes pushed into a pile about 13 feet high and 20 feet wide (at right).
As the mound of rubbish sat under a full moon, the first gusts of Dust Storm Ike ripped through the air. The prairie dogs quickly sprinted for home, blowing sand shifting beneath their feet, while the hamsters watched helplessly as the debri swirled wildly into the air.
Dust storms (see below) are not uncommon in the west, particularly during a hot, dry summer. And the candidates were thankful that it waited until the end of the festivities to descend on their meeting place.
By that evening, Diddley, Squit, and second cousin Einstein Squat - the last of the HFP campaign crew to leave - were finally at home, exhausted after a week of hard work and equally-hard partying.
There will be thousands of phone calls to make, letters to write, rallies to organize and attend, funds to be raised, polls to be taken, and a full-scale media outreach effort to be launched in September. And there will be cabinet positions to be filled, and hours of intensive research still remains to be done into policy and planning.
But tired as they were coming home from the big event, the candidates realized they had about a week to rest up before the campaign goes into full swing. And so, in classic hamster form, Diddley (in photo at left) retired to his nest for a week of real sleeping before the rush to the White House.
Vice Presidential candidate Squit (in photo at top of page) won't be actively campaigning for two more weeks. After a two-day nap, he started taking time to look through the Election Day Planner, a massive collection of notes taken during the convention.
The hamsters have a long way to go, as they are currently behind in the polls. But they are confident that every voting human who has or ever has had a hamster or a rat, a guinea pig, gerbils or mice, will begin paying close attention to the campaign as it shifts into high gear right after Labor Day.
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