24 March 2002
Diddley Squat Turns Two;
March 24, 2002 was a special day. It marked the second birthday of presidential candidate Diddley Squat. And appropriately, a celebration was held to commemorate the event. Sadly, missing, of course, was beloved brother and running mate, Yarash, Junior.
And so, appropriately, there were two larger-than-life candles, one lit to honor Diddley, the other unlit in memory of YJ.
And then there was the cake. It, too, was huge - with fancy red and white frosting. In fact the whole table arrangement was a bit overwhelming to little Diddley, who wandered around the table exploring everything in sight.
And after all the 'Happy Birthday' greetings and congratulations, it was time for a party meal for all hamsters - no, not cake, but rather little tofu-cakes made specially for the occasion and generously sprinkled with walnuts.
Of course, YJ was not the only close family member missing at this special party. Diddley still terribly misses his loving wife Ebony who passed away on Christmas day. A day after her death, the family adopted a relative of hers, a tiny weanling known then as "Baby Mister Ivory."
Mister Ivory, now grown up, has become a much-appreciated member of the hamster family and Campaign Committee. And just a month after his arrival, a litter of five babies was born to Diddley's nephew and YJ's son, Paddington B. Hamster, and wife Alison-Fur.
A daughter remained in the home and soon a mutual attraction developed between Ivory and the young hamstress.
But there was a problem. The young female had no name. Her parents wanted to name her after Ebony. After all, her unique coloring - black with brown spots - made her look like Ebony wood. But the idea of having an 'Ebony II' was a bit awkward for Diddley.
So Diddley thought it over in his mind, and talked to friends. He finally decided it was a good thing, and Alison-Fur and Paddington insisted that it be Diddley who would personally give his beloved wife's name to the youngster.
The Naming Ceremony of Ebony II
With the birthday of Diddley Squat properly observed, the time had come to officially name the daughter of Paddington B. Hamster and wife Alison-Fur. And so the two candles were placed before her. Now the candle with the flame symbolized the beloved wife of Diddley Squat and the second candle was for the young Ebony. As the fire from the first was used to light the second, she officially became Miss Ebony Fur-Hamster. In a soft voice, Diddley pronounced the words all had waited so long to hear:
'The flame has been lighted for Ebony the Second; neither candle diminishes the other, but together they shine twice as bright.'
And with that, young Ebony II had her new name and the freedom to announce her wedding date.
The Marriage of Ebony and Ivory
Once the naming ceremony was done, all the hamsters cheered. And then it was Ebony's turn to speak. She began:
'As many of you already know, my cage has been next to Ivory's since I left my mother's nest. And that was for a good reason. Now that I am full-grown, I plan to take the handsome Mister Ivory as my husband.'
Young Mister Ivory looked up adoringly (with his two different colored eyes) as she continued, 'And the time for this merger is not next week, not tomorrow, but now.... Right now!'
That said, the happy couple exchanged vows and dashed off to the Honey-moon Box where they fulfilled a secret promise Mister Ivory had made to Yarash, Junior just a week before his death - that if he were allowed to take one of YJ's granddaughters as his wife, he would, by the time YJ turned two, make the illustrious vice-presidential candidate a great grandfather. And though YJ was with us only in spirit on that magic day, the promise was not forgotten.
The couple expects a litter of babies on 9 April.
'It has been a very exciting birthday,' said a tired Diddley Squat when all was done. 'I have arrived at the ripe old age of two - and I am thankful for my health. I have a niece who bears with honor the name of my late, great wife. She now belongs to her gentle husband, Mister Ivory. And there will be a litter of babies to come.'
But, he added, 'it has also been a special day for my late brother. Because today - and it's his birthday, too - he has gained a wonderful son-in-law and the promise that he will live on for another generation in the children of a lovely granddaughter who bears the beautiful name, Ebony.'
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