The Economy: Down a Rathole?
With millions of Americans out of work and at least a million homes in foreclosure, it just might be time that humans learned to live a bit more like rodents.
Yes I am talking about ratholes! I sell 'em. You buy 'em! So instead of falling farther and farther behind on the mortgage payments to pay for something the bank is already scheming to take back, try the hamster solution. It's simple, cheap, wise - and debt free! Get a rodent residence from a rodent seller - me, Pestis, a rodent and rathole dealer!
And not to worry! My real estate business has nothing to do with titles and deeds, liens, mortgages, easements, convenants, fees, all those miserable things. Surely no rodent would even dream of wishing any of that on you! In fact, deeds and titles are just paper - fine for shredding and making nests, but more worthless than most humans ever dreamed, even in their worst nightmares.
Before going any further, please take a look at the pile of pictures below. These are drawings of a few of my very favorite listings. They are not photographs but drawings of photographs. You have to go to my website at RodentRealty.com to see the photos. I have more than a thousand of them there. Click my picture at the right and I'll take you to my real estate page, also known as Pestis Properties.
First, though, start by clicking each of the pictures below so you can view the whole stack individually. You can also use the arrow at the lower left to flip through the cards automatically.
Pretty cool, huh? And if at first you think you would never want a house like any of these, stop and think again. Times are changing. And as long as rich humans rule the world, it will continue to get worser and worsest and ....
... worse than that!
So how do we do it? How do we find these places? How do we sell them?
Most of that information can be found in detail at RodentRealty.com. But here's the philosophy, short-style: If it ain't occupied, it ain't owned. It's as simple as that. And you need no money to buy. We don't take money! We accept only things of use to rodents - consumable commodities like snacks and seeds and other dry foods (nothing perishable, please). These go to support the community, especially my elderly mother. So your transaction indirectly helps our campaign.
Sure, you might move into a grungy old house and wake up to find an even grungier old codger standing over your bed one morning, holding a shotgun and ordering you off "his" property. But don't let him have the last word. Stand up for your rights and tell him that you went online and purchased the home from me, Pestis, a rodent. You might want to let him know how much you paid, as well - like three sunflower seeds, a half a dog biscuit with a raisin, a saltless saltine or whatever it was.
Surely he will understand. If not, though, he'll probably think you're out of your mind and dangerous. Then, most likely, he'll leave you alone. And if he later chooses to sue me, Pestis, a rodent, I assure you that he won't get much at all, except possibly my used cage litter. And that'll be more than he deserves.
So c'mon over and see me sometime. The houses may not be what you'd expect to see on the conventional market, but neither are the prices (they start at one tiny millet seed).
And if, after browsing through the site looking in your favorite places, you're not ready to buy, please feel free to enjoy looking at the listings. Soon, I predict, you'll come to realize that they have character, a quality not shared by most homes-for-sale you find elsewhere.
Remember, it's no mean feat to create vintage homes like ours. It takes decades of living to produce that vacant, haunted look, the broken windows, the peeling walls, splintered roofs, warped siding, crumbling adobe, sagging floors, rickety foundations, cracked plaster, battered doors, waterlogged crawl spaces, broken porches, trash-filled attics and weed-choked yards. And they are beautiful in their own way.... Don't you agree?
See you soon, Pestis